Don’t you just hate it when……


Don’t you just hate it when growing up and you’re best mates with the friend-zone? Well this was my life growing up, and that’s what this post is about. I was so close to the friend-zone I had 51% shares in the fuckin thing. Being 14 years old it was the worst thing ever, I’ve tried all different options to get a girlfriend from MSN messenger to actually approaching a girl and using a cheesy chat up line. None of this worked.


Being 14 I was always skint my clothes was from Primark you gotta love Cedarwood State clothing, I remember running to The Spar or Wilko’s and buying the best hair gel in the world….

You can still buy it now for 45p woop woop


So now that am wearing my sexy OOTD (outfit of the day), I have my hair style as a pair curtains its time to use my Nokia 3310 to give my future girlfriend a one ringer to let her know am on my way (only a one ringer so I save my credit). It would be a case of meeting up at the cinema stinking of Joop aftershave, this girl was lucky.

The Date

Queuing up to pay for the tickets I was praying she had her own money I only had my bus fare on me, however I was very generous when it comes to the snacks, I had been to Home & Bargains before hand to get a shit load of munch I wonder how cool I looked when I rocked up with this….

So cool.


We would get to our screen and I was just praying for the adverts/trailers to come on and the lights to go dark because the awkward small talk was getting worse, the sigh of relieve when the screen shined bright it was like letting out the biggest fart of your life when leaving the library. When the more intense parts of the film come on she would hold my hand and I would just freeze up thinking what do I do next?? my head would be saying go in for the kiss give her hug instead I would tell her I need the toilet, what a fucking pussy.

Coming out of the cinema it was fine we could talk about the film which was a lot better than talking about the weather, I would walk her to the bus stop and when we could see the bus coming I didn’t know if I should shake her hand, give her a hug or give her a kiss in the end I wouldn’t do nothing it was just be a fuckin mess, When she was safely on the bus I would make my own way home and it did feel like the walk of shame people must have been looking because I was shouting out words like “what the fuck was that?”.

End Result

At home in bed watching Strike it Lucky waiting for the dreaded text…. 10 mins goes by and nothing then 40 mins still nothing so in the end I will text her…..

“Hey I just wanna say I had a goodnight it was a great film, fancy doing it again sometime xxxxxxx?”

Still waiting no reply……..

2 hours later……….

“Hey mark, I had a good time, it was good to finally meet you. Going forward I’ve decided its best that I focus on my studies I can’t get distracted but maybe one day we can meet up as friends. 😦 😦 :(“

I just wanna cry.


After this I would lock myself up in my room and eat. Obviously this is only one situation now growing up like this till your mid 20’s I would prefer to do jail time. These days I am older wiser and fatter and don’t give a fuck how I come across. Maybe I am just more confident because I did find someone and I am now married. Party over here.

The Friend zone ( things I find funny)




Mine and Lucy’s favourite haha


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